The Scene from my Back Porch

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." ~Philippians 4:6 NIV

For years, I never understood what Paul meant when he wrote this verse. Growing up, I always believed that being anxious was a good thing. I took it to mean mean that you were looking forward to something, anticipating it. But in the last few weeks--in the last couple of years, really--it's occurred to me that the root word for anxious is anxiety.

(As my husband would say, "Thanks there Captain Obvious." One would think an English teacher would've caught on to that before now.)

As I sit here at 3 a.m., I am anxious.

Today is election day. I fully anticipate it to be a close race. I know in my heart that regardless of the outcome, my God is still in charge. I was listening to Christian talk radio last night, and a speaker made a very good point that as Christians, we should be less concerned about saving America and more concerned about saving Americans. My God will not change at the whim of a president.

But still, I am anxious.

In two days, Kevin and I are leaving for our first honest to goodness vacation since our honeymoon. We'll be gone for five days. On a cruise ship to paradise. Our kids will be here with people that love them and will take great care of them.

But I am anxious.

While we've both spent a couple of nights away before, we've never spent five nights away. And as luck would have it, both kids decided to get runny noses this weekend. Sadie likes to add to my guilt by coughing and being unusually clingy. What if I leave and she gets really sick?

I am anxious.

Jackson is at that age where he quite literally brings joy to my soul all the time...like when we're in JC Penney last night and he thought the lady on the loud speaker was talking just to him, so he'd answer her... and when she said, "And as always, thank you for shopping at JC Penney," he replied, "You're welcome!" What if he thinks we've abandoned him?

I am anxious.

To make matters worse, when we return from our trip, I will have to turn right around and go to a training seminar for three days. Again, away from my babies.

I am anxious.

As I was laying in bed tonight, listening to my baby girl cough, wondering what kind of mother leaves her children for that long, it hit me that there is a second half to that verse. In the darkness, I tried to make my requests known to God, but all I could manage was

"I am anxious."