Courage and Convictions

Recently, I was having an email conversation with a very dear friend about feeling old. I have been feeling old lately, but it had more to do with the fact that I sit in front of a makeup mirror every morning and realize that about fifty percent of the new hairs that are coming in on my head (replacing all the hair that fell out after Sadie made her appearance) is silver... she was feeling old because she could hear her mother's voice speaking through her these days. When I said I respected the younger generation for not just swallowing the beliefs of their parents, I think I (unintentionally) hit a nerve. She explained her feelings to me in a way that made it very clear that she had thought them through many times and was quite sure of her convictions.

It also made me think she might be questioning mine.

While I tried to explain my feelings to her (in two minute typing increments between classes, lunch, etc) I felt very disjointed and scattered. Did I really know what I believed? The whole exchange weighed on my heart all day long, trying to figure out what it was I wanted to say.

It wasn't until my son woke me up at 5:30 a.m. that I totally got it. He was having a bad dream, but I was having a dream of my own...about my mom and sister and my friend's dad. We'd ordered pizza, and he was the pizza delivery guy. While I (dream me) was totally baffled as to why he was delivering pizzas, he was having a conversation with my mother in which he said something totally unlike him. It stunned me. When he realized I'd heard him, he said something to the effect of, "Come over here so the children can't listen." Keep in mind that "dream me" was still thirty-something.

It was upon waking that I understood why my friend and I might view our parents' beliefs in a slightly different light. Our parents, though not terribly far apart in age, came from completely different generations. I've always loved her parents and had a great deal of respect for them. What I liked about them was the fact that you always knew where you stood. You always knew where they stood. I completely understand now why my friend would embrace their values and beliefs.

I love and respect my parents as well. I fully believe they raised me "right." But there are things they believe that I can't completely embrace. These things come from the fact that they were raised in a different time, with different social/political "norms." Things that don't make up the whole of their beings, but things I don't want to pass down to my children, either.

Anyway, all this realization at 5:30 in the morning got me to thinking...what do I believe? Not just theologically, but overall? I started a list in my head...

I believe abortion is wrong. I wish it wasn't legal, but it is. More than that, I wish it wasn't a choice women wanted to make. I like to think that more and more women are turning to motherhood or adoption...but I might be living in a dreamworld. I don't believe it's an easy choice for any woman to make. To that end, I also believe that it is just as wrong for people to bomb abortion clinics in the name of God. If murder is murder, they are no better than the doctors they're trying to stop. I believe my job as a Christian isn't to change the laws, but to pray that the law becomes obsolete because the hearts of the people involved have changed.

I believe homosexuality is a sin. I also believe lying is a sin. I don't believe God looks at them any differently, and if that is true, I can't either. The key is asking forgiveness for both, and that's where the problem lies. But I don't believe a person living a promiscuous homosexual lifestyle is any better than a heterosexual person living the same lifestyle.

I believe in the separation of church and state. Do I want a president with the same religous convictions as me? Absolutely. But if Mitt Romney had been the Republican nominee, I would've voted for him and thanked God and the founding fathers that I wouldn't be casting a vote for Mormonism.

I believe all people really are created equal, and marrying outside your race is not a sin.

I believe there is only one way to heaven.

I believe we'd be better served trying to figure out why all these illegal immigrants want to be here than trying to keep them out. Why not make it less complicated to become legal? I don't believe they are all trying to take advantage of our welfare system...I just think they want to make a fair day's wage. I do believe they should learn the language of our country, but I also think we should learn a little patience. We seem to forget that almost all of our ancestors were immigrants at one time too.

I believe there was a time that parents did not raise their children to respect adults, to say yes ma'am or no ma'am, please or thank you. I believe that time is changing.

I believe children are the most amazing creatures ever created.

I don't believe parents need to be their kids' buddies...but I also believe it's okay to wish for that.

I believe that a majority of behavior problems in children come from a problem at home. When you see kids out in public acting a fool, do you ever look around for the parent? If you find them, does it usually speak volumes? If you don't, doesn't that say something too?

I believe it's okay to get in a kid's face if you're doing it to teach them to be a better person AND if you really care about that kid. Otherwise, you're just teaching them that adults are jerks and like to abuse their authority.

I believe it's okay ask questions. Otherwise you will never know why you believe what you believe.

I believe it's necessary for adults in charge to admit when they're wrong. It doesn't make you look weak. It makes you look human.

I believe war is a necessary evil. Part of me believes that we should not be the world's policemen. All of me believes that our troops are the bravest of the brave, and questioning the war does not make their job any easier.

I believe in a small government, a flat tax, and the Republican platform. I like President G.W. Bush, and am sad that he's been skewered the way he has been for the past eight years. And for the record, I would vote for him again.

I believe polls are skewed and the media is biased.

I DON'T believe there is anything new under the sun. The problems the world is facing--socially, religiously, economically--have always been around, and I would be willing to be that they've always been around in the levels they are today. The internet, 24 hour news service, and our fascination with it all has magnified the problems. It doesn't make them okay...just not new.

I believe in a God that is bigger than any problem I or this nation might have. I believe that He loves us and will get in our faces if it teaches us to be better people.

Thank you, my friend--and you know who you are--for making me take a long, hard look at myself.

For getting in my face. I love you for it!