Here's something for ya

Unless you know me really well (and probably even if you do), you might not know that for most of my life, having kids was not on my radar. It wasn't that I didn't like kids, or that I didn't want kids, but I've never been one of those people that just made assumptions about my future. I wasn't 100% sure I would be a good wife or mother, so I wasn't 100% sure I wanted to do it (and here, for those of you paying attention, is probably where Jackson gets that same little quirk).

I'll fully admit that in high school I was a HOPELESS romantic. I listened dewy eyed to all the songs, I wrote the poems, I doodled names in the margins of my algebra notes, I rambled endlessly to my friends about does he love me? Did he just look at me? Do I have a snowball's chance? Yes? No? Maybe? (I clung to a lot of maybes.) My best friend and I even bought a bridal magazine and literally went through it hundreds of times planning our weddings. In my dream wedding, the groom was just one of the necessary parts of a good wedding (again for those of you paying attention, this is explaining soooo much). The truth was deep down I never thought anyone would love me enough to want to marry me...or if they did, I wouldn't love them enough. That had been my m.o. since junior high. And honestly? It didn't change until I met Kevin.

As far as kids went, I just couldn't visualize myself with children. I grew up around babies, I took care of babies, I liked babies. But me with a baby? Seriously?

It wasn't until I started teaching that I thought I might be pretty good at it. The first year I taught, there was a little girl who lost her mother. She loved me and gave the best hugs. I swear, if I'd been a few years older, I would've taken her home with me. I still think about her a lot. I'd still take her.

But it was my mom sealed the deal with her dream. I can't remember when or at what point in my life the conversation occurred. I just remember standing in the middle of First Monday, in the Arbors. I have no idea what the context of the conversation was. I just remember saying I wasn't sure if I would ever have kids. It was the first time I'd ever said it out loud. She looked at me, not with the usual oh-don't-be-overly-dramatic look I usually got, and said, "You'll have kids."

Me: I'm not so sure about that.

Her: I know it. I had a dream. You're going to have a boy and a girl. I saw them.

She was completely serious. For those of you who don't know her, she's not crazy, I swear. But she does take dreams seriously (I'm pretty sure she fully believes if she tells you a dream before she eats something it's bound to come true, and since she usually has dreams that are weird and scary, she never tells her dreams before she eats.) and she seriously believed I was having two kids.

While I'm not sure about the role my mom's psychic powers played, I have no doubt that prayers and a few small miracles brought my husband into my life, and consequently, my babies. Meeting Kevin was the first time in my adult life that I allowed myself to think for even a second that I could have it all. And while I'm not the mom of the year, my kids like me okay.

Just goes to show that things are never set in stone. Minds can change, hearts can be unbroken, and dreams do come true.